Saturday, April 14, 2012

"Me, Griffen!"

Just had to document all the funny things Griffen has been saying lately...

Me: Griffen, did you poop?
G: Oh yeah, I did!

As he sees a roly poly outside...
G: Hi roly poly, me Griffen! Sandbox. (Then points to the sandbox to show the roly poly the sandbox)

After Scott sneezed really big...
G: Big bless you, Daddy!

As boys are riding by on their bikes...
G: Awesome!

As ducks are flying overhead,
G: Hi ducks! Me, ride bike!

But my most favorite of all....
Me: I love you, Griffen!
G: I wuv u, Mommy!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

10 Months

1 month...1 month...10 months.

One month to get pregnant with Griffen. One month to get pregnant with Lila. 10 months to get pregnant with baby #3.

What has the last 10 months been like? Honestly? Some of the lowest lows I've had in my life. Scott and I began trying to get pregnant last June as soon as we got the "all clear" from my doctor. Never did I think it would take 10 months.

As each month went by with yet another negative pregnancy test, I had more and more doubt that we would be able to get pregnant. My thoughts ranged from I'm not going to have anymore kids, my body is betraying me,did the infection from Lila's pregnancy hinder further pregnancies, to who knows what else.  I had lots of hard questions for God. The answer that I kept getting was, I am in control. I had to trust in this.

I think the thing that was hardest each month was the reality that we shouldn't be trying to have another baby...we should have Lila. Every month I saw one line on the tests, I was hit with the reality that we had lost our baby girl. It threw me back to square one of grief once again. It was hard. It was lonely. It was dark. It was something I struggled to explain to close friends and even to Scott. I love Scott so much! He walked thirew this each month with me but couldn't quite understand why it was so hard each month for me when we found out we weren't pregnant. Until I was finally able to say "I lose Lila everytime we see a negative test," did he understand.
Since I was young...I never longed to have success in a job, etc....I longed to be a wife and mom. Not that I wasn't content being Griffen and Lila's mom but I longed to grow our family. I longed to see Griffen play with a sibling. To actually know them and not just their name and what their headstone looks like. I want to see them running around together.
We knew our doctor wouldn't do any testing until we had been trying at least a year so we didn't even try that route. However, after 9 months of trying, I went in with Scott for my annual exam and to see what her recommendations would be. We talked in depth with her about our concerns. Knowing our history, she gave the ok to go ahead and begin the steps to infertility treatment.

The tests began with a miriad of bloodwork for me to see if anything odd appeared. Results came back showing that yes I was ovulating and no there weren't any issues that would prevent me from getting pregnant. Next step was Scott getting tested. He got tested on March 15. The next step would be for me to have further invasive testing to see what the issues may be. We had to wait 2 weeks for that testing to be done. After that two weeks, I would either be pregnant or the testing would begin.

Many prayers went out over those 2 weeks on our behalf. The thing is our journey through what we knew of infertility treatments was going to be short and very limited because of expense and insurance so we laid it all at the Lord's feet. Knowing that He could do anything!!

On March 16, I got the surprise of a lifetime...a positive pregnancy test. To be continued!

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! - 2 Corinthians 9:15

A Positive Test---I'm Pregnant!

On March 16, we found out that baby #3 was on their way!

Scott and I had agreed that I wouldn't take a test until Saturday morning, March 17. Little did he know, I had other plans. I was going to dinner with a friend, Connie on Friday night. I thought, why not, the test will be negative again (we've had 10 months of negative tests), I'll just take a test at her house. Thinking that it would never be positive! Somehow there was still a glimmer of hope in the back of my mind, so if I was pregnant I wanted to be able to surprise Scott that night.

I took a test when I got to her house and then we just sat there looking at each other as we waited the 2 minutes to see the results. After 2 minutes, I walked into the bathroom and was 100% shocked! Connie couldn't believe it either. She kept asking are you sure 2 lines means your pregnant?!

After the shock wore off, we began the plan of how to tell Scott the exciting news. We stopped at a new shop that several friends had recommended and went on the search of something to make the big reveal to Scott. We found a frame that said it all..."The Lord has done great things for us...our hearts are filled with joy." Perfect way to tell Scott!

We went to dinner and reveled in the news. After dinner we headed back to Connie's house to write in the frame of the good news. I wrote "for this child we prayed, November 24, 2012." Before I went home to Scott, sweet Connie sat and prayed with me over our sweet baby and the pregnancy ahead.

I got home to Scott with his presents (his birthday was the next day), a cupcake and the frame. He pulled the frame out of the bag and I could see his eyes scanning the words. He read the bottom first and then I could see that he was reading the big news....As soon as he read it, his eyes welled up with tears. He didn't stop crying for 30 minutes. This is a moment that I will never forget!

We are so thankful that sweet baby will be here around Thanksgiving! Definitely something to be thankful for!!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? - Isaiah 43:19

This is my prayer through this pregnancy...that the fear of the past, infections, premature labor, NICU will not be my focus. But that I will treasure each day God gives me with my three children. That I will savor every moment that this sweet baby is inside me. That I lay this baby at God's feet knowing that He is good, what He does is good and that He knows the number of our days.