Thursday, August 25, 2011

Finally some after pics...

Finally got around to uploading some "after" pics of the house.

Griffen's Room: Probably my most favorite room of the house. Love the colors, the fabrics, everything. Still happy with it 20 months later :-). I'm so glad we went ahead and bought bedding for a "big boy bed" for once he transitions to it. For right now, it's serving as his changing table since he got too big for his real one....Yes, I know there is nothing above his crib! If you have a 20 month old boy you know why...he will pull it down. Hey, it's what works for now even though the decorator in me wants to put something there.

Living Room: Was excited to get a great deal on this red couch from a friend (no it's not hyper color red like it appears in the pic, just a true red). Still have to decide on curtains. Just not sure what I'm wanting. There are two windows behind the black checked chair. We went ahead and stacked the coffee table and entertainment center again. We really just wanted more floor space to read, wrestle, etc. Also notice nothing on the side tables, once again 20 month old.....Still on the to do list is curtains, new lamp shade (have a few ideas pinned on pinterest), and cord covers for the lamps.

This is to the right of Scott's recliner. The entry leads into our bedroom.

Entryway: This is as you come in the front door. Loving  having this bench in the entry. It was an old church bench my mom has had for years. It's directly across from the playroom so it really adds more seating to sit and watch the kids play. Still to do is cord covers for the lamp, shelf above the bench (want to display family pics, etc...gonna look at Canton next month), more pillows for the bench, and eventually paint.

Guest Bathroom: Enjoyed painting the guest bath a fun apple green. I wanted something that would transition well to a kid-friendly bathroom one day. Right now it's my Paris decor. Love the black and cream against the green.

Loving being able to "feather our nest." I feel very blessed everytime I walk around the house knowing that it was truly a blessing from God. Very thankful!...Just hung the curtains in the breakfast room tonight so I'll post more pics soon.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

What Lila Taught Me...

I realized last night after reading back through several posts that I mentioned several times how much Lila's life had taught me. I realized too that I never really put into words what it was that I'd learned. In her short 16 days, she taught me so are just a few:

-To have faith---My faith grew so much from the time I started having contractions on our bathroom floor to the months after her death. All I could rely on was God! I knew that as smart as her doctors were, no matter how many medical breakthroughs had been made for preemies, no matter any of the circumstances, God was in control. Her birth, life and death, rocked my world! All I could do was sit back and have faith and confidence that God was in control no matter the outcome. That is not to say that my faith wasn't shaken everytime the phone rang with a call from the doctors but her life truly taught me all I have is Christ and my faith in Him and Him alone.--My faith grows everytime I trust Him knowing that He knows what the future holds. He knows whether my body can handle more pregnancies. He knows what's best for our family. Because I know that He's bigger than any infection, anything!

- To love---My love for Scott grew ten  fold through the life of Lila. Never will I forget the calm husband that I saw walk into our bathroom on January 17 telling me it was going to be ok (as he brings in towels and a shoe string to prepare to deliver our baby). I never want to forget what it was like to be held by him as we sobbed in the hospital's chapel as we mourned what "could be." My love for Scott grew everytime he would gently hold my hand as we walked into the NICU daily. Don't get me wrong, the last 7 months have been the hardest times in our marriage too but my love for Scott and the man that he is has never waivered.

-To let go---If you know me at all, you know I'm a little OCD! :-) I'll admit it. I like things planned out and lined up. Lila's life taught me that none of that matters. I had to admit that I couldn't do it all. I had to step back and let others help me, with my recovery, with Griffen, with mourning. That's been hard and 7 months in it's still hard. I like to do things myself and for everything to be under control. Once again, my sweet girl taught me that it's ok to ask for help and to accept help when you don't even know you need it!

-To hold tight to family and friends---Scott and I couldn't have gotten through the last 7 months without friends and family. Looking back now, I'm still overwhelmed by the outpouring of love, prayers and support that our family received. Our families were with us every step of the way. For that I'll always be grateful! Our church family loved us beyond what we could have imagined. They knew our needs before we ever anticipated what we needed. Even complete strangers showed us love in so many ways. Through Lila's life, I hold onto everyone a little tighter and appreciate relationships so much more.

-To pray---The last 7 months have brought me to my knees so many times. My hope is that that continues. I want to continue to pray not for my will or my agenda but truly God's will. I want to continue to fervently pray for my family and friends knowing that He holds us in His hands.

-To desire more children---Some have asked if Lila's death has made us hesitate to have more children. Her life has done just the opposite. We long for more children, in His timing. Don't get me wrong, another pregnancy will be a test of faith and prayer daily. Our hearts long for more children. We are just praying that God blesses us with more.

Those are just a few of the things our sweet girl's life has taught me. I pray that I continue to grow in my faith and love through the memories of her life!

If mourning and dancing are part of the same movement of grace,
we can be grateful for every moment we lived. We can claim
our unique journey as God's way to mold our hearts to greater
conformity to Christ. The cross, the primary symbol of our faith,
invites us to see grace where there is pain; to see resurrection where
there is death. The call to be grateful is a call to trust that every moment
can be claimed as the way of the cross that leads to new life.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Lila Elizabeth---7 Months

Seven months ago today, this sweet baby girl, Lila Elizabeth, came into our lives. Did you know that was the only girl name Scott and I ever agreed on? It was the name we chose for our "one day" little girl when we were dating. It's still pretty much the only name we agree upon. Who would have thought that 4 years ago when we talked about that sweet name that we really would have our Lila Elizabeth and she would impact our lives forever.

People have moved on, forgotten and life has gone on but this mother knows every milestone that passes, every montlhly picture that should have been taken. Those are the days I cling to Lila's verse:

The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you
and be gracious to you.
Numbers 6:24-25

The Lord did bless Lila and so many lives through her. The Lord did keep her, right in his loving arms. The Lord did make his face shine upon her and let his light shine through her short little life. And lastly, the Lord was gracious to her. She's not living a life of suffering, tubes, and hospitals. She is living a life of peace and wholeness with her Creator!

On this anniversary, my heart aches, my arms cry out to hold her but I cling to the One that holds us both.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
Psalm 20:7