Today was the day...

Today WAS the day....
we had scheduled our c-section to have Lila.
our family of 3 was to become a family of 4.
Lila would wear her first bow.
I was supposed to hold my daughter for the first time.
Griffen would get to hold his sister.
Scott would dance with his daughter for the first time.
I would celebrate with friends for the births of our babies just weeks apart.
the first granddaughter would be born into both families.

Instead, today IS the day...
we place Lila's headstone on her grave.
we continue to mourn the loss of our baby girl.
we celebrate the 16 days that we had with Lila, since some people don't even have that.
we try to forget all the "firsts" that we missed.
I cling to every scripture I know.
I remind myself that God is good and all that He does is good.
celebrate knowing that my little girl is being held by the One who created her.

Thank you for your prayers today!

Psalm 50:15---Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.

All Boy, All the Time!

Griffen is truly all boy, all the time! His little personality is becoming bigger and bigger everyday. It is so fun to see him discover new things daily. I'm trying to soak up everything lately with him but I had to write them down so I won't forget.

-G tooted and then turned around and said "What's that?" Really??!! I was dying laughing.

-G can't go on a walk without having at least 1 stick in each hand.

-G goes "exploring" every afternoon with Scott. I don't ask what all happens during their man time. :-)

-G loves to kick, jump, and throw.

-G has decided that he LOVES his baseball cap. He wants to wear it all the time.

-G loves going to the park. He loves trying to imitate whatever the bigger kids are doing.

-G is on the move 24/7.

-G never stops babbling to himself.

-G has said bubbles, yellow, stick in the last few days. Not sure why he wants to say the big words first?!

-G loves to throw George, his monkey into his crib after naps and say bye, bye.

-G walks by the golf course that we live by and has to make a swinging motion with his arm and a noise if he sees a golfer hit the ball.

-G is mesmerized by golf carts. Couldn't be because we live by a golf course, could it?
-G has a noise for everything. It's too funny.

G at his first petting zoo...First he went for the duck's tub of water and then the goats food bowl...then he discovered there were animals there too.

 Who needs a pillow when you have a bumper pad?

Helping daddy play the guitar

Camping for the first time...I love his safari hat!

Practicing for the Easter egg hunt

Jumping in a bounce house for the first time! He loved it!

CityView church Easter Egg Hunt

Good thing we practiced...he knew just what to do!

With his girlfriend, Sophia!

Lila Elizabeth---2 Months

It has been two months since Lila has passed away. Still seems like yesterday that I was blissfully happy and 24 weeks pregnant. Fast forward 2 months and I'm still being amazed at what God is teaching me through Lila's life and death. It has been the little things that have shown me God's everlasting love and hope for the future.

Little things like friends sending me necklaces with Lila's birthstone and initials on it. Just a daily reminder of my precious baby girl...Little things like texts and emails just seeing how I'm doing. This has been such a blessing from so many friends. To be surrounded by friends and family walking through our grief with us has been a testimony to God's provisions....Little things like seeing Griffen crawl up in Scott's lap. It blesses me everytime I see this because it's a reminder of what God wants us to do with Him. Just rest in His arms knowing that He is in control. He is our protector and provider....Little things like my aunt sending me cds filled with praise and worship music that speak of the hope that we have in Christ.

So many of these little things over the last 2 months have brought me peace but others have brought my grief to the forefront. Little things like celebrating the birth of a friend's baby. Such a joyous time but also breaks my heart knowing that our little girls won't grow up together....Little things like picking out Lila's headstone. Seeing her name written out on it just solidified that she's really gone....Little things like working on Lila's memory book was so therapeutic to see the life that she had even for just a short time. It was also a time to realize just how truly gracious God was to her. Knowing that she won't live a life of pain and suffering.

Through my grief, I'm daily seeing God's peace fill my heart. A peace that only He can give. A peace knowing that He is in control and that His plans are far greater than mine. A peace knowing that He knows our hearts desires for more children and if it's in His will we will be blessed with more. A peace that He is holding my sweet girl in His loving arms.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18---Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Bluebonnet Pics 2011

Yesterday we took our annual bluebonnet pics. It was a totally different experience this year...Griffen did not want to be still. Where as last year, he was happy and content in his bumbo as we snapped away taking pictures. This year, he loved running through the flowers and checking everything out. Such a difference a year makes! :-)

April 2011--He just looks like he's getting ready to take off running! Love it!

April 2010--I love that little toothless grin!