It has been two months since Lila has passed away. Still seems like yesterday that I was blissfully happy and 24 weeks pregnant. Fast forward 2 months and I'm still being amazed at what God is teaching me through Lila's life and death. It has been the little things that have shown me God's everlasting love and hope for the future.
Little things like friends sending me necklaces with Lila's birthstone and initials on it. Just a daily reminder of my precious baby girl...Little things like texts and emails just seeing how I'm doing. This has been such a blessing from so many friends. To be surrounded by friends and family walking through our grief with us has been a testimony to God's provisions....Little things like seeing Griffen crawl up in Scott's lap. It blesses me everytime I see this because it's a reminder of what God wants us to do with Him. Just rest in His arms knowing that He is in control. He is our protector and provider....Little things like my aunt sending me cds filled with praise and worship music that speak of the hope that we have in Christ.
So many of these little things over the last 2 months have brought me peace but others have brought my grief to the forefront. Little things like celebrating the birth of a friend's baby. Such a joyous time but also breaks my heart knowing that our little girls won't grow up together....Little things like picking out Lila's headstone. Seeing her name written out on it just solidified that she's really gone....Little things like working on Lila's memory book was so therapeutic to see the life that she had even for just a short time. It was also a time to realize just how truly gracious God was to her. Knowing that she won't live a life of pain and suffering.
Through my grief, I'm daily seeing God's peace fill my heart. A peace that only He can give. A peace knowing that He is in control and that His plans are far greater than mine. A peace knowing that He knows our hearts desires for more children and if it's in His will we will be blessed with more. A peace that He is holding my sweet girl in His loving arms.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18---Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.